Actual speech I found in my school

Hello my fellow candidates and voters,

What a pleasant day it is today, I would firstly like to present my humble gratitude towards the council and everyone present here for giving me the opportunity to stand for the position of president and carry forward the values this esteemed establishments holds, as a representative.

I would like to begin by expressing the importance of a very relevant factor, a pillar, upon which this very establishment finds itself hoisted upon- jerking off.

The idea of bringing pleasure to oneself, another or even everyone present here by simple act of jerking off is what one should strive towards while thinking about representing this establishment. I pledge to hold yours if it secures me your vote, and will continue to do so if I am granted the honor of this esteemed position. With my position as president, I promise to provide you with a position you will never forget. Thank you for letting me, and soon your dick, stand for this occasion .

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