The butterfly knife haunts me
I love the charge up for the butterfly knife, every single day I got on Payday 2, I always think about the butterfly knife. When I boot up the game, I go to my inventory, just to see the sweet, succulent butterfly knife equipped in all its glory, just ready to be charged in game for the amazing charge up animation.
And so, I buy a contract, go into the game, and I hold E. I sit there for minutes, catching myself drooling as I simply watch the butterfly knife spin around my hand, the Payday 2 music blaring in the background. Sometimes after a few minutes of watching it, I would turn the music completely off, just to be able to hear the sounds of the butterfly knife move around my hand, the metal on metal sounds, the way that it smoothly goes around the hand, and I would sit there, charging it up, over and over again.
It was like an addiction. Every time I used the butterfly knife, I would get hit with a massive dopamine rush, and my entire body would be filled with bliss. Everything in my life couldn’t compare to the sweet release of holding the E key, killing cops left and right, finishing heist with all the loot, and all of it thanks to my butterfly knife.
But all good things come to an end, and I began to look at its stats. Why does it have such low damage? Sure its concealable, but that’s the main thing it has going for it, surely there is a better option?
I began to search for a better alternative, but every time I thought I found one, it just didn’t have the same effect. Charging it up was boring, and every time I held E, I would only be reminded of what I was missing, the feeling of happiness and fleeting joy I could of been feeling at that moment, but instead, all I felt was empty.
Without the butterfly knife, my life began to fall into shambles. I would always go back to the butterfly knife, feel happy, and switch to another melee, only for the same emptiness to take effect. I treated it as an addiction, and tried to slowly let off of it, only using it a few heist in a row before switching off for a couple heist. It never worked, and I was never able to make progress, only the same switching off, missing it, and going back to it again.
I began to lose sleep, seeing the butterfly knife wherever I went. When I was in the kitchen and needed a knife, I immediately thought about the butterfly knife. When I was alone, I would sometimes hear the butterfly knife in the distance, as if it was almost calling to me, taunting me, making me want to go back and play payday just to see its animation over and over again, so I could be distracted from real life for even just a few hours and finally feel the happiness I couldn’t find anywhere else.
I went back to using the butterfly knife full time, simply saying to myself that it might of not been the meta, but it was still optimal, and my build didn’t focus on melee anyway, so why bother? I kept justifying it to myself everyday. I lost sleep while thinking about it, thinking about melee builds that could make use of the butterfly knife, or builds that could AFK with sentries long enough to stare at the charge up animation without feeling like I had wasted my time.
Then, I decided to look it up on the Payday Wiki, because maybe there I could find an idea, something to spark my imagination and be able to finally be at peace with using it, no longer have sleepless nights.
But my entire fantasy came to an end.
The butterfly knifes wiki was perfectly fine on most things, and while not giving me many ideas, wouldn’t be detrimental, but there was one line that broke me:
* Players deal more damage per second with this weapon by attacking as quickly as possible, rather than fully charging attacks.
It was over. Now, not only did I know that there were other melees that were better options, but the charging animation wasn’t the best way to use it. Now every time I see the charge up animation, I can only think about how its not the best way to play, and how I could be using a better melee. The joy I once felt by seeing the animation was now gone, and I felt just as empty using it as the other ones, if not even worse now.
So now, I never use the butterfly knife, and only use other melees. My obsession over it may be over, but the ignorant joy I felt using it has been shattered, and I don’t believe ill ever be able to play the game the same again. It’s almost lost all sustenance, all reason to play, as every time I boot up the game, I am only reminded of what I have lost.