O semen, my semen! [Credit – /u/chrisrayn /r/tinder]

I have no idea why this is a bad thing. You wanna tell me OP didn’t want to be able to spray his seed freely, like a cock-based graffiti artist? And we all know that the women we date prior to us have prior sexual partners, right? Well now he just got confirmation that he can be a freeman with the beamin of his semen. It’s on the table and on her. Hallelujah, it’s raining semen. And, yes, one day another man will confidently approach his first intercourse with her, knowing he can liberally paint her flesh canvas with his ecstatic jizz whiz. This girl is honest; this girl is a hero.

The only men who can’t handle the truth are the ones lying in bed, beating off to that picture she sent that one time, expressing disappointment in her life choices, before they lazily wipe up the remnants of a bored attempt to feel something on a lonely Saturday night, when they could have been with her, sharing in her beautiful truth, seeing that mouth smile, and watching her shine…from the glistening semen she happily would have sat in front of you waiting for, hands out in case she misses some, eyes closed, mouth open, and laughing with the joy of a life spent happy and not giving a fuck and making you feel like an absolute fucking king of his own life.

All this while you Judgey McAssfaces sit at home, still in bed because you couldn’t be bothered to get up afterwards, little bits of shameful crustiness everywhere on the sheets (because you couldn’t even wash your hands, you filthy, lonely animal), a loosely wadded up piece of single ply toilet paper next to the trash can because you took a shot and, of course and like with everything else, you missed.

You ignorant, lonely, judgey, Andrew-Tate-adjacent fucks that would judge a girl for this shit. Just let a girl spread joy the same way she wants to let you spread it on her. Quit being Scrooge McDuck and become Splooge McFuck. She deserves it and, deep down, you know you want it. Just let a girl have some damn fun and not be judged for every prevented abortion happily displayed on her chest. Quit trying to make her take it on the chin for her possessing her brand of sexual freedom (except in the ways she wants to take it on the chin, of course).

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