Vaccine Withdrawals

Day 96 of withdrawals. I just can’t get enough of you Moderna. I’ve already been arrested for creating seven fake identities resulting in the administration of 14 doses total, and even that would never suffice. I’ve gone blind in one eye and my testicles are painfully engorged and pulsing like the hearts of conjoined twins between my thighs. To taste the sweet, spasmic bliss of your chemical solution in my veins for just one second more is all I could ask to die happily. These past two months I’ve staked out the White House with a stolen, mail-ordered 50. cal rifle courtesy of the Taliban, just waiting for a clean shot at Joe Biden, who recently announced booster shots wouldn’t be necessary at this point for those who fail to meet special criteria. Little did he know he met the criteria for signing his own death warrant in blood at that very moment. I love you; need you. And I will kill for even a second’s glimpse of hope that my bloodstream will experience your tender embrace once more, if only in the next life…


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