Viking history be like:

> Tribal clan leader Jarl Thorsson buys a boat from a local Norwegian merchant

>uses boat to sail alongside buddies to some remote village in England with lots of monks and monasteries

>breaks into monasteries to burglarize them and steal all the treasure,then sail back to Norway

>Jarl Thorsson is killed by a rival clan leader shoving an axe up his anus

>dies of infection at 55

>his teenage bastard son who he had by fucking a local seamstress takes over

>17 year old Erik Jarlson rules for 30 years

>spends entire reign burglarizing small English villages and looting all of their gold

>eventually dies of infection at age 47 after tying a dead enemy’s head to his horse saddle and accidentally being bitten on the butt by the head,causing gangrene

>his nephew Fjord Fjordson takes over the tribe and goes on a conquest

>burglarizes some more monasteries and kidnaps the villagers to use them as slave labor to build ships and castles

>creates a brutal and ruthless kingdom by conquering territory stretching from Southeastern England and Northern France all the way to Finland and Northwestern Russia

>he goes on a raid on one of their boats with the chiefs of some other clans who he is allied with

>they discover two islands,one that’s fucking cold and covered in ice and inhabited by eskimos and penguins and the other a scorching hot desert with no population

>names ice island Sunnyland and desert island Snowyland just for the lulz to do a little trolling and to prank historians 500 years later

>Fjord Fjordson is oldest and longest ruling king ever,rules for 69 years and dies at the age of 90 after being poisoned by-oh fuck it what do you mean poisoned hes fucking 90 whats the point of poisoning a 90 year old he was gonna die soon anyways


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