Von Schlieffen Plan

I’m gonna go to college and get a degree with which I can be successful. I will walk off stage after getting my degree, and ask someone to pay off all of my student loans. They will accept graciously. I will then walk down the road until I find a house I like. I will then promptly ask the family to leave, which they will do. Next I ask amazon for Jeff Bezos’s phone number. They will give me the phone number with which I will call Jeff Bezos, and ask him for all of his stock in amazon along with a billion dollars. He will still keep his position in the company and continue his current job but his pay will be reduced to the lowest in the company to prove a point. Next I will call the president. I will explain to him why I am smarter than him in every way shape and form. He will abdicate his position to me. I will then become the president of the United States of America. As president, I will first remove the US debt. What I haven’t told you is I have actually invested one billion in the stock market. By this time I will have made 40 trillion dollars. Using that money I will pay off the US’s debt. With the debt paid off I will begin to mobilize the US military. We will start by taking over the Americas. First Canada, then Mexico and all the smaller states below it. By the time all of central america has fallen my term as president will be up, however I will simply ask congress for an indefinite term which they will kindly grant to me because of how loved by the populus I am. Before continuing south on my conquest I stop and use all of the air force’s tactical and strategic bombers to drop twix over all occupied territory. After that I will officially make them all states, along with all US territories, except puerto rico. Will Northern and Central America be controlled if I continue south. My troops are welcomed in every town they meet. All of the countries in South America capitulate happily. Not a single shot is fired and all of the other country’s militaries are incorporated into mine. Much like Northern and Central America, I use my air force to drop kitkats over South America. The EU seeing this, capitulates before I even declare war, happily accepting my dictatorship. The UK is left for now as I reorganize my military and incorporate the entire EU’s military into mine. Snickers will then be dropped across the continent. After multiple campaigns through Asia, I control the entire northern hemisphere, aside from the UK. Everyone loves me and thinks I am a great ruler who is doing a great job. Next on my plan is an invasion of the UK. I land troops, the queen surrenders however I tell her she can keep her position if I can take control and incorporate the UK into the US. With the UK captured. Mars is completely inhabitable for human life as of now. To change that I tell NASA to launch the UK into space and land it on Mars to provide a large colony on Mars. With the UK launched into space and on their way to Mars, I then return to conquering the world. I take all of Africa, again welcomed into every town my troops walk into. After all of Africa falls, the rest of the world requests to join the American Empire, I gladly accept them in. I then announced to the world that our next goal is to steal the moon. We use a shrink ray to steal the moon and put it in a museum. With that completed I finally retire, leaving cummie bot in charge of the world. In my retirement I live in a house. Not a large house, just a really nice house, with a pool, and a ski resort in my backyard. Every other Friday night I host a get together with my friends, and with that I do one final thing. I get a dog named Dog. With that, I have completed everything I will ever want to accomplish in life. I will be able to die a happy man. That is my Von Schlieffen plan Professor. There is no other way I want it.


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