Vulkan’s dick

I finally figured out how massive Vulkan’s penis is.

I know what you’re thinking: How could I have done this? Well, allow me to explain. I started out with an image. The picture was of Vulkan and Fulgrim standing next to each other. This image was exactly what I needed. It came directly from Black Library, so we know for certain that the proportions are correct. Now that we have the two characters, how does one go about actually determining Vulkan’s length? That’s easy. We only need the length of Fulgrim’s penis. Luckily, we have a vague idea of just how large that is. Back in 005.M31, Fulgrim was quoted saying something along the lines of: “I have a massive dick, and the Imperium is a joke”. From this statement, we can determine one major thing: Fulgrim slays foes with his massive peen.

But just how big is “massive?” to answer that, we need to do some research. Taking to the internet, I used pixel measurements, and calculated the length of many many penises, that belonged to various different Space Marines and Slaneeshi Daemons. I averaged the results, and came up with about 8 inches flaccid, on average. If Fulgrim truly has a massive penis, than his must be slightly larger than this. Therefore, I elected to round up to 12 inches.

Next up, we need to do some more pixel measurements. Fulgrim is 10’2” so in this image, we used that number to calculate how many pixels per inch this picture had. We came up with the number of 7 pixels per inch. Using this number, we were able to discover that Vulkan was 11’8”. The same was done for horizontal width. After some quick calculations, we determined that Vulkan was approximately 1.14 times larger than Fulgrim. With this proportion in hand, we can now do the unthinkable. If we take Fulgrim’s length of 12” and multiply it by 1.14, we get 13.68”.

Now I know what you’re thinking. 13.68 inches? That’s pathetic. But think of it this way: That’s his flaccid length. Now, imagine Vulkan when aroused. On average, the transhuman penis generally doubles in length when going from flaccid to hard. This means that Vulkan’s kielbasa is just over 27 inches, when fully erect. If you still think that this is small, just try and imagine that absolute unit of a cock shoved into your tight little ass. His massive obsidian rod being passionately thrust back and forth, ripping your rectum to shreds. And don’t even get me started on his cum. The thought of Vulkan just unloading gallons and gallons of children into me just makes me rock hard. There is nothing that turns me on more than Vulkan’s massive 27 inch dick. I wish he would just shove it in every hole in my body. I want him to take his flaccid dick, and wrap it around my neck like a noose. That would just be pure ecstasy to me. Getting strangled to death by Vulkan’s bad boy would probably feel so amazing. The only thing that would make it better, would be if he wasn’t circumcised. I’d be able to peel back his foreskin, like a big, pitch black, meaty banana. I’d peel it back, and I’d eat every last particle of dick cheese. I’d lick it all up, until his meat flute was all shiny and sticky. And once it’s all lubed up, I’d let him put it in my butt again. He wouldn’t hold back this time. He’d fuck me so hard, that all my inside get jimmied around, and it would be amazing. Then he’d cum again, but this time there’s be so much that it fills up my entire body. Just imagine: Vulkan has almost finished ravaging your butthole, when he unleashed a tsunami of hot, sticky semen into your body. It fills up your ass, but Vulkan’s sex pistol is so thick, that it won’t leak out through my booty. But he keeps releasing more. Eventually, it starts filling up my intestines and stomach, before it eventually begins to quickly flow out from my mouth. At this point, I’m vomiting Vulkan’s cum everywhere, but I’m not doing it fast enough. The pressure builds, as the semen starts to slowly drip out of every hole im my body. My dick, my nose, my ears, and even my eyes. But it’s just not enough. Vulkan keeps ejaculating. He’s like an infinite water source of daddy sauce. The pressure is too great! I explode in a glorious display of semen and viscera. By stomach as burst open, and I am now just a head and torso, but only the back half of my torso remains. Yet somehow, I survive. All my limbs are blown off, as well as my own dick. Vulkan caresses what’s left of my face, with his thick, black hand.

“I want to keep going.” Vulkan says to me, gently, “Are you okay with that?”

Despite the fact that my windpipes are mostly exploded, I manage to say to him, “Yes.”

Vulkan nods, and proceeds to kiss me passionately on the lips.

He unsheaths his excalibur, and gently inserts into the new hole, where my dick used to be. He picks me up, now that I’m little more than a lump of flesh. He slowly pulls his dick in and out of me, in an attempt to make sure that my new pussy would be an adequate hole. Upon determining that it is, he begins to violently move me up and down, as if I was nothing more than just a fleshlight. But since I was with the love of my life, Vulkan- I didn’t even care. After a little while more, his sex pistol is cocked, and he fires one more last burst of cum. This shot was so intense, that I slide right out of him, and blast off into space. “Million Miles An Hour” by Nickelback begins to play, as I rocketed through the cosmos. The intense heat of Vulkan’s semen prevents me from freezing to death.

Back on the planet where we fucked, Vulkan quietly whispers to my quickly shrinking body, “No homo…”

I traveled through the galaxy for what felt like days, before I became caught in the gravity of a black hole. Vulkan’s semen was still keeping me alive, but the propulsion wasn’t strong enough to prevent me from getting sucked in. Upon reaching the black hole’s event horizon, something incredible happened. Vulkan’s juice ignited, and exploded. The explosion eventually resulted in the formation of a star. Upon the star’s creation, I was launched out into the star’s orbit, before my body was ripped apart by the immense gravity of the sun, and my various parts were cast to the warp. But my soul remained attached to the star that had just formed. I watched for billions of years, as my pieces’ own gravitational pulls slowly began to attract other particles, until they all eventually became planets. I continued to watch over this new solar system. Eventually, on the third planet out, I saw something amazing. I watched, as from the planet’s primordial ooze, a small life form emerged. Through the ages, I watched as this life evolved, grew and took on a much more complex form. After some time, they became a species known as “human”. These humans were intelligent. But not nearly intelligent enough for other beings to visit them. The Humans eventually named me. I was to be referred to as Sol. I continued to watch over these humans, as their culture developed further. Unil one day, a book known as “Salamanders” was released. It was a cultural phenomenon, it was a fucking masterpiece. The humans loved it. And one character, they love more than most. And his name- was Vulkan. When Vulkan appeared as a character on Earth, I knew that my journey was complete. I cannot explain how, but some way or another- some part of Vulkan had stayed with the body part that eventually became Earth. And as a result, his influence could be seen all throughout history. This all came to a head, with Vulkan Lives. Vulkan’s semen gave life to an entire planet of creature, and they repaid him in the ultimate way. Vulkan has now been forever immortalized in their culture. As the most competently written characters, in one of the most epic tales of all time.

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