Who I am? (Please read this before engaging in conversations with me)

I highly recommend that you, dear redditor reading this, get some snacks and a cold drink, for this is going to be a long text. Moreover, you should consider following me, unless you want to miss all the intellectual content I post and be another worthless sheep minded redditor. Also, don’t feel bad for yourself if you can’t keep up with my deep and complicated thoughts. Not everyone is born a genius. Having said that, let’s begin\~

I used to depict myself as “a humble mind on this godforsaken website”, but I’ve come to realise that I’m far more than that. After engaging in countless discussions and debates with other redditors I have come to realize that I’m on a different level. I’m better. Smarter. You are not and will never be on my intellectual level. Yes, I know this sounds very arrogant, but it’s the simple hard truth. The amount of stupidity I come across in this app is beyond belief. Statistically, my intelligence is far, far higher than the average redditor.

You may be wondering, why waste my time here then? A smart and handsome man like me surely has a lot of other things to invest his precious time on? You are correct. I have many personal projects but I’ve decided to put these on hold. Why? Because I, not long ago, had a revelation.

Unlike most humans who only care about shopping, having girlfriends or going to parties, I’ve always been worried about much more complex issues. One of them is death. Inevitably and mercilessly, it gets us all. Rich, poor, stupid, intelligent, The Grim Reaper doesn’t care.

The clock is ticking and it doesn’t stop. One day I will die. My thoughts and ideas will die, and even if I become an important political figure, with enough time I will be forgotten. When I realized this, I panicked. Mankind simply can’t afford to forget me. But I’m a real man, and unlike most redditors when facing a problem, instead of running away, I started working on a solution. And what solution do you think I’ve come up with? I will save reddit. Rebuild it. Purge it from all the stupidity and bigotry.

You are probably asking yourself, why Reddit of all things? Why not start a charity organisation, or a new philosophical movement?

Because my innocent redditor, the Internet is the future of mankind. And for the best or for the worst, Reddit is the front page of the Internet. I will leave my mark here. I’m Empereor Vespasiano and Reddit will be the Colosseum. Ages will pass, wars will start and end, frontiers and languages may change, but my supreme creation, the new Reddit, will keep on illuminating people for centuries, if not, forever. I am the light you were searching for. I am your savior.

Accept your place in the new reddit, and your pathetic life might start to get better. I will open your eyes. The world is very different from what you think.

I am the key to forbidden knowledge. Will you open the door, or would you rather die in ignorance?

Edit: ENOUGH with the hate comments and trolls. I’ve already got more than 30 of you worthless redditors **permanently** banned, via reporting, for breaking Reddit TOS. This is my last warning, comment at your own risk. /uj – **Serius**.

Edit 2: For all the people flooding my DMs, please keep in mind I can’t respond to everyone. Stating what you want to talk about / if you are a woman can greatly increase the chances of your message being responded. Trolls and haters will be blocked and reported instantly, so don’t even try.

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