Who’s a man and a half? I’m a man and a half! Berserker packin’ man and a half! There’s nothing wrong with you that I can’t fix… with my hands! DYNAMITE! I’m cookin’ with gas! I’ve got a handful of vertebrae and a headful of mad! Yeah, that’s your spinal cord, baby! Dig it! Who’s the man? I’m the man! I’m a bad man! How bad? Real bad! I’m a 12.0 on the 10.0 scale of badness! Don’t need a gun… guns are for wusses! Huh? Wuzzat? Wuzzat? I like what I see! An important looking door… Knock knock. Who’s there? ME! Me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me cyberdemon big deal he’s slim pickens rip and tear rip and tear rip and tear RIP AND TEAR YOUR GUTS! You are huge! That means you have huge guts! RIP AND TEAR! Ooh, here it comes! Here comes the night train! Choo choo cha’ boogie! Choo choo cha… choo ch… choo cha… oh my. Berserker pack—gone. Feelings of invulnerability—over. Change of plans. I do need a gun. I need a big gun. I need a really big gun… Gahh! Zombies with guns! Not BIG guns, but they are guns! And I NEED GUNS! Ahhh! Chainsaw! The great communicator! Allow me to communicate to you my desire to have your guns! C’mere boys, I got somethin’ to say! Got a gun. Need a bigger gun. Movin’ right along. Dark. Might makes light! And I feel mighty! Groovy. At this particular moment I don’t believe I have a healthier or more deeply-felt respect for any object in the universe than this here shotgun… Hey, chaingun! The hell with respect! Gimme. C’mon, gimme. Hoy, hoy, I’m the boy, packin’ 80 pounds of heavenly joy! Now this is GOOD! Big gun! Not THE big gun, but… ARRRRGH! Turned my back… that was stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid imp! You’re STUPID! And now you’re gonna be stupid and DEAD! Dance! Dance, bonedaddy! Oh yeah! YEAH! Dig the prowess, the capacity for violence! I’m the man! I’m superbad! Imps? Zombies? You think you can get me?!? Wait, maybe they don’t think. Well, I do! And I think you’re dead! Dead! DEAD! DEAD! Lord amighty, I feel my temperature risin’! Huh? Wuzzat? Wuzzat! Woo baby, I’me burnin’ out of control! Ooof! Ooof! Bad! Bad monster! Gaah! Radioactive waste! Burns! Stinks! Get off, scum! Who do you suppose left all that radioactive waste down there? And why? WHY? Now I’m radioactive! That can’t be good! Why can’t we find a way to safely dispose of radioactive waste and protect the environment? Even if I personally stop this alien invasion, what kind of planet will we be leaving to our children? And our children’s children, and… oh, the humanity! The humanity! My big gun is out of bullets! I can’t believe it! Better believe it, soldier! The only thing I believe is I need another gun. No guns here. Teleporter pad—I’m gone. All reet then! I’m all about that plasma rifle! And baby, it’s all about me! Sweet Christmas! Bog-mouthed floating thingies! It’s always something! Ooooh, I like it! The sugar-sweet kiss of heavy ordinance! Ah-hah, I’m cookin’ with plasma! Now we’re in the big leagues! Wow! Now I’m in a completely different place! More stupid radioactive waste! And with my luck, some creature’s probably… A spectre! Invisible sonuva… Stinkin’ spectre! Gonna get what you deserve! I’ve blown up EVERYTHING in here! Blew up that spectre real good! I have really had just about all I can t…take… Hail to the chief! There! The most beautiful sight any soldier can behold… the gun. The BIG gun! You want a piece of me? C’mon, c’mon, come at me with it! Oh, yeah! Do you get it now? Papa’s got a brand new bag! Death surrounding me. Yet, in my head I hear something that sounds like angels! Lo, I have found the Holy Grail of firepower! Mine eyes can but weep as they bear witness to the majesty… the BFG 9000! As I stride knee deep through the dead, all is clear. I know what must be done… My cause is just… My will is strong… And my gun is very, very large! Let loose your volley of death, cyberdemon! You struggle in vain! Righteousness—and superior firepower—has triumphed! The filthy beast is no more! Victory is mine! Yet, Earth remains besieged by creatures unspeakably foul. It will take a strong man to bring the light of freedom back to this planet. A strong man with the biggest, baddest gun in the world! Amen to that.