Oppa Homeless Style
I had a good day of waitressing for once, so I gave a homeless man $20 on the walk home.
Homeless Man: There must be a mistake!
Me: No mistake. I can afford to cut back a little. Have a wonderful day.
Homeless Man: (tearing up)
Suddenly, a shrieky little voice rang out. A pasty dude wearing a trenchcoat and a fedora barrelled toward me.
Dipshit: The fuck are you doing??!!!
He yanked the $20 bill from the homeless man’s grip, slicing his fingers on the paper. He stuffed the bloody bill in my face.
Dipshit: No. NO. You worked for this money while he sat on his ass and jerked off. YOU KEEP IT.
He threw the money in my face.
Me: What the fuck is your problem, asshole??
Dipshit: Listen to me, you fucking useless female. I’m from New York City, where the homeless have the decency to try and work for money, whether it’s shining your shoes, cleaning your windshield, or just doing a little dance on the street corner. I once saw a man with one leg hop in a circle for hours to make $6 in change! That’s the difference between a classy homeless person… and a BUM.
Me: Well this is my money. I earned it. I’ll use it any way I like. How do you get your money if you’re so important?
Dipshit: I don’t need a job because my mom gives me money!
A crowd had formed. Everyone was glaring at this scumbag and a few were even cheering me on.
Homeless Man: You want a dance, you little prick?
Everyone turned to see this homeless man rising to his feet. To our amazement, he began to perform a pitch-perfect, Korean style dance.
Homeless Man: Oppa homeless style!
The crowd erupted. We all began to join in the dance, save for Dipshit, who turned bright purple.
Everyone: Op! Op! Op! Oppa homeless style!
I threw my $20 at the homeless man’s feet. Everyone else followed suit, tossing money at him. A woman in a suit gave him her gold watch. Dipshit took off running while the rest of us danced into the night.